Mental health relapse? Medication withdrawal? Effects of prolonged social isolation? Sertraline sorrow? Pining for personal space? Random melancholy spell?
All of the above? No idea, mate. No idea.
Not feeling well in myself the last few weeks and I think I’ll be taking some time to work on that before the shit really hits the fan again.
This isn’t self-pity. This isn’t a ploy for attention. It’s me communicating that I’m here and I’m struggling, and that my struggle to cope is valid. If happiness were truly a choice, I’d never feel like this yet somehow I do?
I’ve realised that when you look like you’re functioning okay on the outside, it’s so much harder for people to understand. But when you hit rock bottom like I did last year, everyone suddenly gets it. Because it can’t be avoided when a person shuts down and they’re just not themselves anymore.
The point is: I am not going to wait till I hit shit creek to have this dialogue. I am not going to wait till I am burnt out, and completely unable to take care of myself. I am going to take the time and space as I need it to prevent me getting to that awful place, because it is honestly the shittest mental landscape and very scary for not only me, but the people who try to care about me.
So be patient with me. I’m not going off the grid: I just need to focus on my health. Also, if you don’t have anything particularly nice or supportive to say, maybe just don’t say anything at all? Being depressed or so anxious that you physically can’t do anything is NOT a choice, mate. It’s an absolute nightmare. So consider that whenever you open your mouth or get your thumbs ready for keyboard warrior-ing the crap out of somebody: everyone is going through their own crap, especially at the moment, so give them the space and respect to do that.
The world doesn’t need anymore assholes, it needs a lot of love and conversations like this to help us make it out of the pandemic and ready to tackle whatever other weird shit is waiting for us in 2020 and beyond💜
There are people praying and clapping for Boris’ recovery, praising him as the martyr who has had to deal with this unprecedented disaster to the best of his ability. I hope he gets better too, but he’s one individual and yet his actions, or lack thereof, have affected thousands of lives and I don’t see why he should be placed on a pedestal for unremarkable leadership. I find it hard to forget the utter shambles of a “herd immunity” scheme that was quickly abandoned when it was realised that the ship was rapidly going under, nor am I able to forget the persistent cuts over the years to the 1 remaining pride and joy in this country: the NHS. MPs are taking a hefty £10,000 addition to their wages, a boost for the remote working they’re currently doing from the safety of their homes. How about diverting all that mullah towards valuable equipment, research and bodies on the frontline?
It’s alright avoiding the politicisation of this pandemic and choosing to put to bed any critique of our government’s actions, as though they’re pardoned because they’re trying to control a freakish event that only dystopian fiction and sci-fi films have addressed so far. That approach isn’t going to change shit though and I’ll be damned if we come out of this whole thing and try to resume life as normal, pick up where we left off etc. This is literally a massive natural detox that should be helping us to evaluate our lives and how we contribute to the overall big picture: OUR WORLD.
So yeah, look at the responses across the globe. Look at the fatality rates in countries that prioritise healthcare and the wellbeing of their society. Look at the language used by leaders who have also had to make difficult choices in enforcing measures that affect all citizens.
Yes, the pressures must be immense for any leader during this time. However, praising somebody for turning up to the game late isn’t going to erase the amount of fatalities that could have been prevented with clearer restrictions at an earlier period. It wasn’t as though the UK was going to escape being hit, it wasn’t as though there weren’t already patterns emerging across Europe which had required drastic unprecedented measures…
People are turning their time and resources to propping up the NHS, donating any spare pennies and sewing up masks because there’s barely enough PPE for those battling this craziness on the frontline. That’s an awesome collective action and shows that we have community spirit when the shit hits the fan, which is great, but maybe we should be addressing the fact that we’re propping up services that have been absolutely battered by austerity cuts. Overworked and underappreciated, it’s a shame that it’s taken this awful situation for the general public to unite and acknowledge the strain on health workers, many of which are immigrants and “low-skilled” (according to Priti Patel).
I fucking love Jacinda Ardern 💜 I love the fact you can be a compassionate leader and still get shit done. I love the fact that this woman has bigger balls than any male leader across the globe right now. The sweet, sweet irony.