LIFE UPDATE: the woes of roller-coaster mental health

A whole year on from the breakdown of a lifetime (the Great Depression) and I’m still dealing with night sweats/terrors, agoraphobia, social anxiety and spontaneously bursting into tears when I’m overwhelmed (often). The pandemic has only amplified the negatives: I’ve found myself feeling like I’m regressing back to my worst form, and I’ve been neglecting my self-care routine as punishment🙃☠️

Over this last week, I’ve found my relationship with food changing again and also noticed that my stress-related IBS has flared up, which I think has been quite triggering.

I’ve been brutal to myself and had a lot of intense, dark thoughts (they descend pretty quickly when I’m “down”) and all I know is that this has to stop! I need to listen to my body/brain and make serious changes for the sake of my mental and physical health💪🏽🙏🏾

Change #1: See friends more often (including those Latvians and honorary Canadians abroad, via video call).

I’ve seen my friends maybe 2-3 times over the last year, and I think life has genuinely been so much tougher because of this. I’ve lived with these ride or dies and experienced the weirdest of adventures with them, so being away from them has been challenging…

I am super stoked with myself for making the journey out of the house yesterday, despite all the tremors and general breathlessness. I am so grateful for Tom, who is the ultimate hypebeast and has supported me, as well as pushed me, to tackle this hurdle for what it is. Merely a hurdle!

Had such an awesome time with old friends and new friends, and felt at ease in a way that was totally unprecedented given the state I’ve been in over the last few days. I love you guys and can’t thank you enough for all your support and kindness, especially since I’ve been off the grid for so long. Here’s to seeing you way more and for better times ahead💜

COVID-19: the UK’s shambolic mismanagement, as evidenced since the pandemic began

Jacinda Ardern handle this situation with dignity and sensitivity, a stark contrast to the response here in the UK.

There are people praying and clapping for Boris’ recovery, praising him as the martyr who has had to deal with this unprecedented disaster to the best of his ability. I hope he gets better too, but he’s one individual and yet his actions, or lack thereof, have affected thousands of lives and I don’t see why he should be placed on a pedestal for unremarkable leadership. I find it hard to forget the utter shambles of a “herd immunity” scheme that was quickly abandoned when it was realised that the ship was rapidly going under, nor am I able to forget the persistent cuts over the years to the 1 remaining pride and joy in this country: the NHS. MPs are taking a hefty £10,000 addition to their wages, a boost for the remote working they’re currently doing from the safety of their homes. How about diverting all that mullah towards valuable equipment, research and bodies on the frontline?

It’s alright avoiding the politicisation of this pandemic and choosing to put to bed any critique of our government’s actions, as though they’re pardoned because they’re trying to control a freakish event that only dystopian fiction and sci-fi films have addressed so far. That approach isn’t going to change shit though and I’ll be damned if we come out of this whole thing and try to resume life as normal, pick up where we left off etc. This is literally a massive natural detox that should be helping us to evaluate our lives and how we contribute to the overall big picture: OUR WORLD.

So yeah, look at the responses across the globe. Look at the fatality rates in countries that prioritise healthcare and the wellbeing of their society. Look at the language used by leaders who have also had to make difficult choices in enforcing measures that affect all citizens.

Yes, the pressures must be immense for any leader during this time. However, praising somebody for turning up to the game late isn’t going to erase the amount of fatalities that could have been prevented with clearer restrictions at an earlier period. It wasn’t as though the UK was going to escape being hit, it wasn’t as though there weren’t already patterns emerging across Europe which had required drastic unprecedented measures…

People are turning their time and resources to propping up the NHS, donating any spare pennies and sewing up masks because there’s barely enough PPE for those battling this craziness on the frontline. That’s an awesome collective action and shows that we have community spirit when the shit hits the fan, which is great, but maybe we should be addressing the fact that we’re propping up services that have been absolutely battered by austerity cuts. Overworked and underappreciated, it’s a shame that it’s taken this awful situation for the general public to unite and acknowledge the strain on health workers, many of which are immigrants and “low-skilled” (according to Priti Patel).

I fucking love Jacinda Ardern 💜 I love the fact you can be a compassionate leader and still get shit done. I love the fact that this woman has bigger balls than any male leader across the globe right now. The sweet, sweet irony.

Right. Where the fuck is the wine?