Mental health relapse? Medication withdrawal? Effects of prolonged social isolation? Sertraline sorrow? Pining for personal space? Random melancholy spell?
All of the above? No idea, mate. No idea.
Not feeling well in myself the last few weeks and I think I’ll be taking some time to work on that before the shit really hits the fan again.
This isn’t self-pity. This isn’t a ploy for attention. It’s me communicating that I’m here and I’m struggling, and that my struggle to cope is valid. If happiness were truly a choice, I’d never feel like this yet somehow I do?
I’ve realised that when you look like you’re functioning okay on the outside, it’s so much harder for people to understand. But when you hit rock bottom like I did last year, everyone suddenly gets it. Because it can’t be avoided when a person shuts down and they’re just not themselves anymore.
The point is: I am not going to wait till I hit shit creek to have this dialogue. I am not going to wait till I am burnt out, and completely unable to take care of myself. I am going to take the time and space as I need it to prevent me getting to that awful place, because it is honestly the shittest mental landscape and very scary for not only me, but the people who try to care about me.
So be patient with me. I’m not going off the grid: I just need to focus on my health. Also, if you don’t have anything particularly nice or supportive to say, maybe just don’t say anything at all? Being depressed or so anxious that you physically can’t do anything is NOT a choice, mate. It’s an absolute nightmare. So consider that whenever you open your mouth or get your thumbs ready for keyboard warrior-ing the crap out of somebody: everyone is going through their own crap, especially at the moment, so give them the space and respect to do that.
The world doesn’t need anymore assholes, it needs a lot of love and conversations like this to help us make it out of the pandemic and ready to tackle whatever other weird shit is waiting for us in 2020 and beyond💜