For the majority of people, resolutions are born on NYE from a need to change. In a drunken stupor, a lady will decide that this year she will lose ten pounds and in a living room on his lonesome a man decides this time next year he will not be alone. And maybe the resolutions will be the catalyst for a change that will go on to define them in later years, the beginning of a new era or the resolutions will be adhered to for a short while before they’re abandoned like cars on a British road buried in snow.
I, like many others, have found myself staring at a crumpled note of achievements I really had intended to gain over the year feeling vaguely disappointed. So I’ve decided to do things a little differently this year.
But firstly, I wanted to have a look back on what I’ve overcome this year. In many ways, 2014 has been a year of transformation. At the beginning of the year, I took a massive risk in quitting university and I also left an intense relationship. I came home to what seemed like the ghost-town of Bradford not knowing much about who I was anymore or where I was going in life. It seemed there were constant reminders of the life I had abandoned in the hopes of finding something more, something I grew to question as I daydreamed away part time shifts behind a till. Panic attacks consumed my days and nightmares conflicted my nights but I plodded on nevertheless.
My aunty told me one day that I had to learn to tolerate my own company in order to move forward instead of constantly looking for diversions. I knew she was right and I was made to look at myself with brand new eyes. A jaded girl with so much to learn and achieve, but, a girl with potential.
And so my adventure began in full swing. I decided to stop moping at home and actually experience the world again with a notebook attached to my hip and a re-stringed guitar even if it felt super hard on some days. I joined the gym, took up yoga, fled to Amsterdam on a spontaneous trip with my best friend and got the zest of wanderlust. I spent time with an idiosyncratic family that nursed me back to my old self with tough love and home-cooked food. I sang for an old school friend at a fashion show and watched her E.P explode into circulation. Then I took it upon myself to continue with old interests that had been suspended for years; I took the opportunity to be a part of an award winning show which took me to Edinburgh Fringe Festival with a bunch of inspiring ladies.
I was reunited with the friends I had isolated myself from progressively over the last few years and in strangers, mostly in the cosy comforts of the 1in12 bar, I re-discovered beauty. Artists that create because it’s the only thing they know, regardless of the pay checks. People who are passionate about whatever means something to them: music, politics, Bradford’s potential or even which ale is the best… People do have the power to save/inspire you.
Within just a few months, I’d transformed from an uncertain hideaway to the strongest version of myself I could imagine. I’d opened my eyes to a whole different side of me and the world, though a bloodbath on the news, became a vast expanse to be explored as opposed to be feared. A chance to start over at Huddersfield University became an exciting prospect I was ready for as opposed to a repeat of the previous year. I’ve been truly blessed to have met so many incredible people over this past year who have each in their individual respects enlightened me. Thanks for introducing me to The Regular Show, Hindu philosophy and Jhene Aiko (to name but a few examples of the hundreds). Thanks for being there and being awesome, you make me want to better myself.
I’ve learned that some people will bestow upon you their heavily weighted expectations as well as their disappointments when you stray from the path they’ve meticulously planned out for you. I’ve learned to focus on me, not in the most selfish respect by ignoring all else but by leading myself as opposed to relying on others. After all, in the darkest of places, many can tell you how best to climb out but only you yourself can allow for that to happen.
Another thing I’ve learned is that you don’t need an annual date to put your life into order, in fact, I realised that every day brings the opportunity for a new start. So this year I’m not making a list of resolutions for 2015, instead I’m making a list of objectives for life generally.
1) Focus on the things/people you love. Music, films, books and writing will always be there, life will always be your muse.
Embrace the bohemian lifestyle- you’re a penniless student writer caught up in the swirl of love and art. Worry not about money, you’ll always have money problems!
Put the plans into motion for Beauty is Different, unleash your ideas upon the world and actually make a change somehow.
Eat clean, work out but don’t deny yourself.
Expel negative energy because you can’t always change it.
Embrace the past, use it for the better and don’t live in it.
Wake up grateful for every day.
Consider giving up your Procrastination Throne and make every day count for at least one thing.
I have no idea where I’m going or what the future holds but I’ve decided that is a super exciting prospect in itself. Have a happy NYE and celebrate the beginnings of potentially a new chapter with the best of people, I know I sure will! 🙂